Sparkling
by mana massacre
Summary: What difference did it make? In the end, loyalty will never serve as an useful ally, because it's rigid and survival of the fittest is about flexibility. And because it was, he was pretty damn dead.Cloud x Aeris songfic to Asaki's Gekkou Chou. RxR


A songfic to Gekkou Chou by Asaki. Well yeah I was playing DDR the other day and I was like O.O ZOMFGISHFHG GAAAACKT. And then I was like uhmm crap that's not Gackt. But I thought his voice was so beautiful && so visual-kei like xD It's a Cloud x Aeris. I figured if I wrote another Sephiroth x Aeris I'd be shot.  
Well, ermm... rate and review please?

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"How high is that, I wonder?"  
You were saying, when we were young, under the moon...  
Under the twinkling wax and wane,  
Following its path, we played._

The beauty of it all was breathtaking. It was like a poem, or a hymn... Or a chorale, so simple that even the blindest of eyes can be touched by it. The moon, a pearl in the diamond-studded sky, shone brighter on the sparkling lake than it had in fifteen years. Or maybe it was seventeen.

It almost looked... blue.

He laughed. How ironic. Once in a blue moon, he'd come out here and take in the landscape. Once in a blue moon, he could enjoy it. And once in a blue moon, he would remember it.

But if she was here with him, everything else would be more memorable. Every step, every insignificant creature that would jump out in his way... Every swaying tree, every blooming flower.

Flowers never grew without her around. There was one in front of him. Surely, at once, it must have been beautiful. But rain and time had washed away the pink from its petals and the green from its stem. It was now a corpse, dried, cracked, and dead. He bent, and gently, if not gingerly, picked it up between his outstretched thumb and index finger. Lifting it to his delicate pale features, he breathed in the scent of the long-dead nectar.

And if sadness was a scent, he would have smelled it.

_A hard rain fell for half an instant.  
__The hydrangea flowers and the amber moon danced  
__On the shore, while  
__Each admired the other._

It was the simplest thing in its simplest form - a miracle of nature, and it touched him, almost as if it were a song or a person. Or maybe a memory. A memory of a simple, undeserving girl from the slums who had so little but could have so much. A being blessed with the magic to counteract darkness, to save the world - and she chose to live a simple life.

Until he dragged her into this.

"I'm sorry."

Well, maybe it wasn't his fault - he tried to dissuade her, but she was too headstrong.

Stubborness is not to be confused with wisdom. But in her case, it was mixed with courage. The girl knew that she would die - but she chose to live out her entire life, throughout a course of a few weeks, or maybe a few months.

He committed it to memory - her eyes, her hair, her scent, and her voice... But it was like sand, the more he tried to cling to it, the more it slipped. And below the full-blown gem in the sky, he could only whisper her name for himself to hear.

_Goodbye - a pair of butterflies, which stopped on my fingertips,  
__Illuminated my pale face and the light that sparklingly shone...  
__It felt like you...  
__And my breath stopped._

The winds whispered her name, the moonlight spelt out her name, and the lake served as a mirror to reflect the word. It seemed that everything and everyone was betraying him - nature, especially.

And what can save him? He fought viciously ten years ago. And for what?

Jenova, Geostigma, Mako.

What difference did it make? In the end, loyalty will never serve as an useful ally, because it's rigid - and survival of the fittest is about flexibility.

And because it was, he was pretty damn dead.

Laying himself on his back, he stared up at the sky. Ten years ago he stared at the same exact sky. With her by his side. And she pointed out all the constellations - but he couldn't pay attention - distracted by her angelic, velvety voice.

It seemed too different. He could never remember the stars by their names - he never cared to. However, if he knew that that would be the last time they had the chance to be so close that their bodies were touching...

_Rising and fading, these bubbles...  
__I was careful, careful to see that  
__They wouldn't break...  
__Oh, I was so careful..._

The mako hasn't faded from his eyes. He was surprised, he thought his tears would have washed away all pigments of coloration from his pupils. Startled, he suddenly began to remember, little by little...

Her last word was "Cloud."

He bit his lower lip, choking back a sob. For the first time in a long time, he could actually picture her beautiful face before his eyes. Maybe he was hallucinating, maybe he saw what he wanted to see, or maybe he was dying.

But none of them could be the case.

He couldn't have been hallucinating - she was too real. He could lean in and take in her aroma, perfume mixed with sweet nectar. He could reach out and brush his fingers, scarred and rough from battle, against her tender, blushing cheeks... He could almost move closer, and meet his lips to hers...

He couldn't have seen what he wanted to see - he wanted to see her, not as a face, but as a person, alive and well. He wanted to see her smile, he wanted to see her cry. He wanted to see her pout her lips like that time they argued. He wanted to see her, and not a memory of her, no matter how real it seems.

And he couldn't have been dying, because he was already dead.

_I am here!  
__God. God? Are you there?  
__Riding on the ripples on the surface,  
__Although I'm frightened - shaking..._

And how gracefully, easily she had left! It was like the lifespan of an enigmatic star...

First it was nothing. And then it began to slowly form into a giant, or a supergiant... And then it would explode - a supernova, lighting up the universe, shattering everything in sight. And then it would either become a neutron planet, unsignificant and forgotten... Or it will become a black hole, spreading, consuming, murdering.

And no escape from its darkness. It was like what he felt after losing her...

First it was denial.

_A dream... Thank God, it was a dream... She's still here. If I reach out, I can feel her! ...Right?_

Then it became more and more real...

_I'm so sorry... I couldn't protect you... I couldn't help, I couldn't... I'm so sorry..._

And then it became too much...

_There's no point, no more... I need to leave. I'm sorry. I'm coming to find you - wait for me, I'll be there. We'll be together again._

And then, he could get over it, or he could let it linger in his mind...

_You're not here anymore, huh? Neither am I... I'm a living corpse. I live throughout life knowing that the most significant part of me is not with me... You have me. You'll always have me._

And so he died, and not even a million prayers could bring him back.

_The butterfly that was beautifully decorated..._

_Since when did it become a glass bead?_

_And I, who have nothing... And as for why the butterfly fled,_

_It was because you were always... always here._

Ten years ago was the golden years of his life. Which was funny - he had a fairly good life of now, with a steady job, and Tifa... They were never married, but rather lived together, more like a couple than anything. She never lost any of her luster, or her luminious beauty. The war took no toll on her. At least, not as far as he could see.

But even with all of these things, he felt emptier than before. It wasn't greed - no, it wasn't... Everything, he would give up, for another chance.

He could stand far away and watch, if that were the conditions given by Death. He could never touch her again, or make her remember.

He only wanted to see her smile.

A smile.

It was his silent lullaby, an optical illusion that may or may not have been real at a time. She was the flower than he clutched now - gone, but still here somehow.

And he never got to see her body again...

He stared out at the lake. It seemed too beautiful, too familiar. It was like a different version of her.

So maybe she did linger on earth...

Every source of natural water was tainted with mako and the lifestream. He smiled. Maybe she isn't so far away...

And as fast as his legs could carry him, he sped out towards the lake.

_Goodbye to the people who know nothing._

_That's always how it is, isn't it?_

_And as the for moon that sparkling shone..._

_Oh! It turned into a snow-colored butterfly and became my tears..._

The coldness of the water was overwhelming - but it felt so safe to be numb to everything for the first time in his life. The thousands of icy knifes stabbing him made him forget the emotional pain. After all, physical pain only lasts for so long. Holding his breath, he pushed himself to the bottom, half-cursing gravity. And there, at the bottom of the lake, lit by the pale rays of the moon, something caught his eye.

It was almost rusty, but it had a long way to go. A circle - a necklace? It shone, almost enough for him to shield his eyes. He smiled as he fought the stabbing pain, moving his numb legs, to the destination... And as soon as he came close enough, he reached out and picked it up.

Oh... A bracelet...

A gold bangle, three different layers.

_A.G._

It said in an elegant cursive writing, etched into the glowing material.

He almost forgot what the initials stood for for a moment. The briefest moment. And then he remembered to breathe.

It was like he was five again - debating with himself.

_No, I don't want to resurface._

_Do it or you'll DIE!_

_I'll do it in a sec..._

_NOW._

_It feels so safe... It's beautiful..._

He closed his stunning eyes, and shut out his other self.

"Aeris?" He called, and air bubbles escaped. He had released his last bit of oxygen. And yet he opened his mouth again, welcoming the water like a lover. It was the most peculiar feeling - him, pushed to the sandy bottom of the lake, making no efforts to escape as he held onto the bangle ever so tightly. He could have sworn he heard her voice, and this time there was no one to argue with that he was dreaming - not even himself. He remembered this moment, this beautiful, beautiful moment when he would be reunited with Aeris - and with the Planet.

He released the flower that he held onto, and clung to her bracelet - the only thing that he touched that she owned in ten years. It was hard to distinguish which was the moon - the startling yellow, or the soft silver that was barely visible.

But in time, they both disappeared along with him beneath a cascade of water, surrounded by the Lifestream.


End file.
